I have had a lot of time to think today. I went to the gym today and it was very peaceful. It's a really small gym and there was only 3 people there :) And I was alone with the kids (again...) which also made me reflect alot.
Both as I was saying the dinner prayer for me and Kate tonight and as I was snuggling with her before bed, I broke down in tears. Now if you've only known me for the last several years, you know this is totally out of character for me. Well, with Mother's Day tomorrow, I always get a little emotional. First because my mom passed away when I was 16 and I miss her terribly during this holiday. And second because I LOVE my kids more than I could have ever imagined loving anything in the whole world. It is indescribable that you could love in this capacity. Who knew your heart could love so much. I miss my mom so much. Kate and Jack will never get to meet her on this Earth. She will never be able to baby sit her grandkids. They will never get to play with her or see the caring, kind, loving person that I knew. I can never call her for advice about the kids, cooking, love or anything. She wasn't there when I gave birth. She wasn't there when I got married. And she won't be there for any other event in my life, big or small. My babies are my life. Sure I get grumpy on rainy days like today when we're stuck in the house or when they are whining or whatever else might be going on that day. Or when I'm "stuck" home with them all the time while Dustin is out doing whatever he wants. But I sure wouldn't trade them or the blessing it is to stay home with them for anything in the world. Tonight while I was crying Kate says, "It's okay Mommy. I love you. Don't cry. (as she stroked my face) I do everything for you. I share my paints with you, I help you set the table. Don't cry. It's okay. You're just the best that I ever saw."
Anyways, I just don't know what I would do without my babies. They mean everything to me. They can make me laugh and cry both in the same day. They keep me going.
I know this is really long and if you are still reading, thank you. Thank you for letting me share a piece of my heart with yours. I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to be a mom. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I appreciate my mom more than I was ever able to tell her when she was alive. Being a 16 year old teenage girl when she passed away, I'm sure it wasn't always clear to her that I loved and appreciated her. But now I know all the sacrifices she made as a single mother of 3 to help me to be the person that I am today. I love you, Mom. I miss you.
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms reading this. You have a job to do that is like no other in the world. You are doing a tremendous job!
(disclaimer...please excuse how "beautiful" I look in these photos. Just another perk of being a mom!)
Me and Baby Jack
Me and Baby Kate
8 comments:
im sorry aunt jenny. i think we all miss nana now. but i truly dont know how hard it is for u cuz u did have to go through everything on ur own without her but she was still there with u in thought and in ur heart. i love you more than anything in the world aunt jenny...
love leslee.
Jen I know some of how you feel there are many times I wish Mom was here.I miss her everyday and I also can tell you this Mom did know how much you loved and appreciated her,Mom and I talked before she passed away and I can tell you she was very sad that she was not going to be there for all the big times and even just the smallest of times in your life,but I can tell you she would be very proud of who you are as a person,loving mother,wife,sister and friend.Mom was proud of you and Justin more than words can ever say and she knew you would be a very strong women.I love you Jen Happy Mother's Day
I am sure Mother's Day is hard for you. I can't even imagine losing my mom in high school. I am sure you feel comfort knowing you will be able to see her again. The plan of salvation is wonderful.
What an awesome post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Your a great mom! You look beautiful in all those photos!
Happy Mother's Day!
What a touching post, Jen! I am sorry that your mom is missing out on seeing you be a mother. I'm sure she is so proud of you! You are wonderful mom to those cute kids!!
Thanks for those sweet pictures and your thoughts about your mom. Isn't it amazing how much our own mothers did for us that we never realized until now?? Moms are truly special people.
so sweet. us mommies have it hard sometimes but it is all oh so worth it. know that although i don't have all the experience or advice or whatever else i love being there for you in any event - big or small! love you :)
You are an awesome mom and your mom is watching over you and your babies every day. I know she's so proud of you and she'll be with you always. I'm here for you whenever you need someone to talk to, laugh with or cry with.
Melissa.
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